Day 17

I took a Social Science exam in MSLU and it was ok. Test was quite easy for me as I have gone to the prep studies at this University. But we'll see what I get. It was funny, by the way. I met a lot of people whom I knew. And that was great. I did not worry much about the exam except when I wrote the answers in the list for answers. I thought I could make some mistakes like write 2 and not 3. But it all went ok. I felt dizzy at the exam because I tried to do the tests fast to manage it to the Academy.
I came to the Academy to find out that I'll have an exam at the same time on 19th with another exam to the University.
And now I know my result in the University for Social Sciences exam. It is 45. Quite low. But I'm through. I'll try to do my best at the next exam, which is English.
Well I'll count my results:
83 for Russian
67 for composition
45 for Social Science
83+67+45= 195. It is 195 of 300 possible. Damn. I feel kinda sad. Since yesterday, really.
And my result at High School of Economics is 5/10 for History. That was expected.
I just saw Hancock. Did not like it very much.
What do I do now?
I want to have a rest already. I am depressed and stressed out.

Day 16

History exam today. It was difficult. Crazy questions. Mah.
Tomorrow I've got another exam - Social Science and I'll go to the consultation to Law Academy.
One episode today. And it was really hot in the street that I was all sweaty. I don't really like it because you feel awkward of all this "sweatiness".
I will get up tomorrow at 6-25 a.m. And my exam is at 9 a.m. on the other side of this big city.
Well, I will find out about the day after tomorrow - whether I have another history exam or not at this Academy. Damn, Academy X) It sounds so... dramatic.
It is raining now outside so I wonder if it will be hot tomorrow or it will be rainy and I will be soaked not with sweat but with clouds' water. Huh.
I'm going to bed now with my notebook and will revise notes that I made during this year (ok, during the last month when we made a whole bunch of tests).
And my friend left today. She'll come back at the end of August. I wanted to say that I envy her. But... I begin to like these exam-passing mode. Because you learn a lot of stuff that is only necessary because you take these exams. Hahaha!
Bye-nee!

Day 15

This is getting serious. Exams are going in a row and only one ep today.
I'm not gonna make it to the School of Economics. Those tests are erm... 26/50 is my best result.
I have to succeed and enter at least one of these universities but... No "but"s here! I will be a student this year. I will be!
So, one pre-exam lecture (like consultation or something), two tests, one anime episode, strange food made by me, half a book on history and some good time on youtube. I found one awesome guy here.
So it will be history tomorrow. One hour for 50 questions. That is ok. It is not 250 that I will have the day after tomorrow. Oh, that's that late already! Gonna get some sleep now. Sleep is good. By the way, the exam will be on 11 a.m. So cool! It is not 9 a.m. the day after tomorrow. Yay for School of Economics and its late exams!

Day 14

So, today was the day after exam. And I spent it like always - doing nothing. I have an exam after tomorrow and then another one. History and Social Science. Tests. I am again not ready for them. I guess this habit of resting is not good for me.
I watched 6 episodes today, read three pages of Lolita by Nabokov and looked at the history book. It has a greenish cover that I like. And it looks so used, some pages go out of their places. That was not my book or it would be in much better condition. Because I do not study.
Maybe this hating-for-not-studying is cool but it is not effective.
Tomorrow I have to get up early and go to the School of Economics to listen to some guy who'll tell me what will be at the exam. And I do not know how to get to that place. So wish me good luck.

Day 12&13

Day 12 - Learning like hell. I took my computer monitor and put it on the floor. No computer for 1 day. I learned so much I felt I was gonna puke.
Day 13. Exam day. I decided to revise everything before it. NEVER do it. Never. Because your head becomes full of unnecessary information.
About exam. It was boring because all people with whom I got acquainted were sitting at other places in this big-big room. And I did not manage to go out to the toilet. They think that all the people can go out in one hour. Aha... And the test was difficult. Mah. I hope I'll get at least 30/100.
I got 67/100 for my composition. This is a good result for this University.
It is quite hot outside. Wanna go out.

Day 11

Huh. I watched to 26th episode of Eureka. Yeah. I'm going out of Internet, I won't be online for a while. If I have guts, I will be ready for the f exam by the day after tomorrow's morning.
Bye-nee!

Day 10

Hey there. I finished watching Lucky Star today and got no motivation from it, but lots of fun. I was smiling like an idiot the whole last episode. This blog is getting trashed with anime stuff.
I decided to watch Eureka 7 after exams. It will be more fun later.

Yeah, first pic in my blog.
I did 60 questions economics test today with 23 mistakes. That's great. I also found out that one of my books is useless. And that I know a lot of stuff in law. Like marriage, some rights of married people, labour law... And other stuff.
Well, I guess everything is for the "greater good".

Day 9

This is not getting me anywhere. I am lazy.
They'll say that I passed the first exam so I can take the second only at 4 p.m. the day before next exam.
I like characters in Eureka and this anime is being downloaded quite fast.
What exactly am I doing with my life? What is it all for? Where my dreams have gone? What should I do with the time given? What is worth doing and what is not? I have 2,5 days till the next exam. I know I will learn something. But those days of idling and not knowing why I am doing all this suck. Really. And I can't even let myself fail to know the bitterness of loosing. Because if I fail I will not have another chance. Not good.

Day 8

Nothing done. I really can't get down to work right after exam. So, today was my day-off with really lots of anime. I did my household chores, too.
My room is clean from literature books already and there are fewer Social science books.
I have got no one to go out with. But now I have a great anime-show to watch. I planned to watch it for some YEARS and here I go.
Overall, I found out that I am totally non-active, unsociable person. I lack willpower and self-appraise. I stopped talking to myself. I guess it was better when I did.
You know what is the difference between school and life? In real life you have no one to tell you where you made a mistake and no one to praise you for your results, no one to help you. Everything that I learned in school is fake. And it seems I have no reason to think about it and keep moving on. Except I'm not sure what to do.

Day 7

My bad, it's too late now.
I've been watching Lucky Star and missed the time.
Exam today - composition. Well, you never know what will come in the work, so you have to learn everything, right? I did not re-read this novel x_x I suppose it was ok, though. I hope so.
So, I'm going to sleep now.
I wanna have fun X)

Day 6

Tomorrow is my first exam.
I am going to hit the sack now.

Day 5

Ah, it is raining and that's why I'm sleepy again.
Today I read a poem and some critical material about the second author. The main achievement is a finished anime series - I watched the last 7 episodes of Spice and Wolf. I was quite disappointed by its ending, though. Just a little bit. Yeah.
So, there is an exam the day after tomorrow. I have lots of work to do and my head is full of quotes for composition but I can't really remember where they are from now. Haha.
That's it. I did not work properly today.
Oh, yeah, I forgot...
I am lonely.

Day 4

Got the paper from MSLU.
Read a play by the third writer (one novel and a story left).
Read about the second writer/poet's novel (one poem left).
+3 episodes of Wolf and Spice.
I tried to write quotes from the novel in OpenOffice, but could not concentrate.
1,5 day left.

Day 3

Today I read poems by the second writer. One poem and novel by him left.
Then I went and re-applied to the Academy. But I forgot one paper for MSLU so I'll go there tomorrow. Again. I spend so much time on things because of my mistakes.
In the evening I listened to the lecture James D. Watson, the scientist who discovered DNA structure with F. Crick . Wow, I saw a person whom I knew from my biology student book. And he was ALIVE X) That is crazy. He is 80 this year.
Well. There are James Watson quotes (I can't ascertain you that they are exact and right, but I tried to write them down as soon as possible):

"We wanted to be first"
"Committees slow everything down" - about hiring people.
"We hired people before everybody knew they were good."
"As a boy I was told that mathematicians are strange."
"All the things I said might be wrong except... I don't think so."
"People who work on schizophrenia, they should be excited. That is a message of my lecture".

So, that's it. Prof. J. Watson said a lot more but I was so amazed at first that I didn't write it down. His words were motivational, he wanted to inspire scientists. That was great.
Ah, now I have only two exams on 23. And one will be on 18 (in Academy - History). And I must pass it with all my might.
Good luck everyone!

Day 2

Here it is. I have 2,5 days to prepare for the exam. It will be on Monday, the 7th. Tomorrow I'll go and re-apply for MSLA (Academy ^__^), then take a paper in MSLU and tadaaan - I'll go to the lecture.
Today I did nothing except (in order):
1. went shopping;
2. posted in blogger about motivational stuff;
3. read my diary from a year-ago-time and realized that I wanted to enter the University for so long (that's why I better try hard or regret it forever);
4. ate cheese (I'm crazy about it);
5. installed new version of Licq, but it got the same error as the last version, so I tried to install pidgin, and it didn't work at all (Help me, oh please T0T);
6. saw 3 episodes from OHSHC;
7. read a novel by the first poet/writer (yup, I'm still on the first one).

I found out that it won't work for me what I tried to do till the present. I read compositions and critics and that made me sick. So now I read original works and analyze them myself. I just should know what themes and problems are in here and when I read the text I see them. I will try to do it myself.
Ha-ha...
Please, make a bet with me that I will succeed everywhere. Plea~se.

Maybe this way?

Damn. I want some jerk to be with me. So that he could tell me: "Haha, MSU? Nooo, you are not gonna make it. You'll never succeed". Maybe then I'd have understood that it is worth it?
Well, thank you everybody who are encouraging me, I appreciate it very much.

Motivational Quotes - My collection

I know there are lots of them. So, here are my favorites (I colored some of them):

If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life."
--Confucius

"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it."
-- William Durant
"We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are."
-- Max DePree
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
-- Carl Bard
"I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's precisely why I succeed."
-- Michael Jordan, one of the NBA's greatest players.
"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy - I'm telling you it's going to be worth it"
-- Art Williams
"The most painful thing to experience is not defeat but regret"
-- Leo Bascaglia
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
-- Elbert Hubbard
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you."
-- James Allen
"The trouble with many plans is that they are based on the way things are now. To be successful, your personal plan must focus on what you want, not what you have."
-- Nido Qubein
"Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human." - Viktor Frankl
"Everything must be made as simple as possible but not one bit simpler."
-Albert Einstein
"Strength of mind is exercise, not rest."
-Alexander Pope
Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning. Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi
"I'm not the kind of guy to knock at a door and then when the door is opened not go in."
-William Saroyan
"Few minds wear out; most rust out."
-Christian Nextell Bouee
"No man is free that cannot command himself."
-Pythagoras
"Learn something new every day under the sun. You will never get old if you do."
-Lois Bey
"Inspiration springs more readily from knowledge than from ignorance."
-Horace Meyer Kallen
"Doubt whom you will, but never doubt yourself."
-Christian Nestell Bovee
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, but of choice. Not something to wish for, but to attain."
-William Jennings Bryan
"Whatever you truly conceive of in the mind, is possible."
"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity."
-Edwin Hubbel Chapin
"Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.."
-Washington Irving
"The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it cannot be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it."
-Elbert Hubbard
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Alva Edison
"Those who are quite satisfied sit still and do nothing; those who are not quite satisfied are the sole benefactors of the world."
-Walter Savage Landor
A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.- Unknown
"Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind."
-John Lancaster Spalding
School is a building that has four walls--with tomorrow inside.
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.

There are many ways of going forward, but there is only one way of standing still.

A lot of us would like to move mountains, but few of us are willing to practice on small hills.
Doing your best is more important than being the best.
Giant oak trees started out as little nuts.
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. -- Ferdinand Foch
Always give more than what's expected. -- Donald Trump
If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves. -- Thomas Edison

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Neither you nor the world knows what you can do until you have tried. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
So many times people end up fixated on doing things rights, that they end up doing nothing at all. -- The Wright Brothers
A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit. -- Richard Bach
Fall seven times, stand up eight. -- Japanese proverb
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. -- Thomas Edison
Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. -- Winston Churchill
You have not lived a perfect day, unless you've done something for someone who will never be able to repay you. -- Ruth Smeltzer
Without deviation, progress is not possible. -- Frank Zappa
If you're not lighting any candles, don't complain about being in the dark.

I will never give in until the day that I die. I'll get myself some independence, carve out a future with my two bare hands. -- The Alarm
If at first you don't succeed, you're like everyone else who went on to greatness. -- Patrick Combs
Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by ***, do something. Don't just stand there, make it happen. -- Lee Iacocca, Chairman Chrysler Motors

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Update: 
I have finished university lately and posted some advice and quotes for exams, if you are interested: Motivation for students
____________________________________

Sites (You can find more there):
http://www.innertalk.com/quotes.html
http://www.coolmath.com/Survivor-Algebra/10-motivational-quotes.html - there are a lot more
http://quotations.about.com/cs/inspirationquotes/a/Life24.htm - I haven't read it, but that looks good
http://djstoddard.wordpress.com/ - btw, it is a great blog of Unmotivated Motivational author
http://www.redsofts.com/articles/read/284/8249/How_To_Make_The_Most_Of_Your_Life.html

day 1

Happy 1st of July, everybody!
I am still on the first poet/writer. But I'm almost done.
I saw one episode of Lucky Star and drew some doodles of Lelouch and Euphie and used android.
I was all sleepy today maybe because of the weather (not sure).
We spend so much time on sleeping that it kills me. But it is quite a normal thing. For a man I mean. They say that 1/3 of life we spend in bed (or wherever we sleep). That is crazy - just imagine how many things we could do if we didn't sleep. That is how the life goes. Anyway, we all have equal time in day and week, in month and year. What we are not equal is how much time do we have in life - that is totally another question.
So, 24 hours a day, huh?
8-9 hours of sleep + 30 minutes on anime + 2 hours on eating (preparing food etc.) + 1 hour in icq + 20 minutes on blogs + 20 minutes on reading + 30 minutes on dA = 12 hours 40 minutes.
Plus I slept and lied on the bed for another hour and a half. And there are about 10 hours left. But if only I could be sure I worked properly during this time...
And they called me from one of the Universities and told me to come and re-apply to their University because I finished school with cum laude as they call it. Ahem. + 4 hours and there will be the Hell Road (that I call one of the underground lines x_x). I'll go there on Wednesday.
I'll go and read a poem and compositions now. No, compositions first and then a poem. Bye!

Why do?

As I'm sure that today's situation is getting me nowhere, I decided to think of it thoroughly. Why work? Why try? What is it that is worth?
The question: why people do something?

1. They want to have fun
2. They have to earn money and somehow survive
3. They crave for power and might
   
4. They want to be acknowledged
   
5. They have an idol and they want to be like him/her
   
6. They are workaholics
7. They seek for something interesting
8. They have dreams (what is my dream, by the way? it has been long since I thought about it...)
9. They are not satisfied with how things are at present
   
10. and so on

I just do not get something vital in this world, right?
I still have problems with motivation from time to time. I just can't do anything without a reason behind it. And "I just want to have fun" is not working for study.

Day -1

Mua-ha-ha. Believe it or not, I've seen 17 episodes of Code Geass today. Yup, yup ^__^ I have no willpower at all. My friend gave me some materials on literature and mom told me that I'm definitely going to write the composition and get a good mark for it. Everybody wants me to do it, right? But...
Well, I watched anime the whole day.
Also I read a book called "How to write a composition";
ate cheese, a lot of it;
drank hot tea (which is not common for me);
read 1,5 compositions;
wrote a plan on one theme;
got up early and slept for an hour in process of "work";
went out and ate an ice-cream.

Hm. What should I do now? Maybe I should try to work at night?
"No willpower" stage completed today.