Why do?

As I'm sure that today's situation is getting me nowhere, I decided to think of it thoroughly. Why work? Why try? What is it that is worth?
The question: why people do something?

1. They want to have fun
2. They have to earn money and somehow survive
3. They crave for power and might
   
4. They want to be acknowledged
   
5. They have an idol and they want to be like him/her
   
6. They are workaholics
7. They seek for something interesting
8. They have dreams (what is my dream, by the way? it has been long since I thought about it...)
9. They are not satisfied with how things are at present
   
10. and so on

I just do not get something vital in this world, right?
I still have problems with motivation from time to time. I just can't do anything without a reason behind it. And "I just want to have fun" is not working for study.

Day -2

I am in apathy. I'm trying to find a reason for life again. And what was bothering me the most - what is it to be a great person? Is it to achieve something, to gain respect, or to be independent? What a man should do to become one? Will he be great only because people think of him that way or will he be great in his own mind? What is the greatness on the whole? Philosophic question, huh?
Ok, now about the things that I should really think about now.
How to write a composition based on several poems:
1. Read them and think of what you see there, what the author tried to tell with this.
2. Mark the most important words and lines in poems.
3. Read the list of themes of all poet's works. Point problems that were raised in given poems (if you don't know them). Check it.
4. Keep in mind that everybody is going to write about same things. So your thoughts are really valuable here.
5. Time to get down to work.
a) Take one theme and analyze given poems to match the theme.
b) Think of what to write in general about all the poems you have now and about every poem alone.
c) Try to make a plan - which part will go after another one.
d) After the plan is ready and checked for logical lines you should make up phrases or sentences to "glue" parts - so that it will look as finished harmonious work.

That's it. Aha. I have 4 poets and writers. About 30-40 themes on each one. And I haven't done a theme yet.
I'm quite sure I should have begun a month ago. Or - wait - I have had another problems back then. Ok, now I have to put up with this. I'm kind of tired of "hard" work as I have been doing no brain work for a week.
Today was like a "Nothing matters" stage.

Legendary canteen

I'm proud of the previous post (though it was long) because it gave me the motivation. Yeah, and I'm going to bed now. To turn in, as they say ^_^
But I wanted to write a few words about today. Because today I got this idea about motivation again.
I have been to University to apply for the law contest which is on the 4th of May. In 5 days, right.
Ok, I went to University. You know, it has lots of buildings and they are old and they look awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to get to this University because it was beautiful and it reminded me of buildings in some strategy game where there were lines on buildings in the colors of player. And there are the same lines on most buildings of this University and they are red (the default color of player).
So today I was impressed as always by these enormous buildings. And the weather was fine so after I gave all the necessary documents to one fair-haired guy and talked with two second-year female students about University life and entrance exams (they were speaking and I listened) I decided to take a tour around University and eat at the legendary canteen. I found it with the help of my bro's directions that he gave me a month ago (I called him to refresh them in my mind. It was like "Hi, bro, I want to go to the canteen, it is to the elevators and then on the left, I meant right. - Yeah, right"). And I had to ask a security guard because I knew I went the wrong direction. The canteen was behind me when I asked him. But you know, this is not an easy way. You should go to the elevators, then turn right before them and then turn left and then right and then there will be a long corridor with something suspicious like University theater or telegraph and then you see a lot of bikes and you see half of all people go straight forward down the ladder and the other half goes forward to where shops are. And I forgot where was a tricky ladder that you won't notice if you do not know that there should be one. I went back the other way =) But I ate at the canteen. I was nervous like this was some sort of a test. If you fail - you are hungry, if you succeed - you get a delicious dinner. It cost me about 1,40 euros for carrot salad with raisins and meat with buckwheat. And I took a sweet cherry compote to drink. However I got a dirty spoon which I did not have to use, thanks goodness. And there was no knife. But dinner was really good and I liked it.
Well, now I have another motivation besides the beauty of buildings - it is a cheap and good dinners at the Legendary Canteen.

Motivation

Motivation is a big word. One of those you can see in those self-improvement articles or books.
And motivation is a real thing. It is not that we can touch, though. However, preparing for the exams by yourself is a hard thing and you will never succeed until you have a great motivation for achieving this goal.
So, I guess we have to do something to improve our motivation and reduce laziness.
Well, for example, now I have to work hard to finish my literature project (which is really made for about 5%), prepare for law semi-exam, do the rest of history and social science questions. Ah, I forgot about my work on astronomy. Hell, but I am writing this post. Why?
There are a few reasons for this:

1. I am kind of tired as I went to the University today to apply for this semi-law exam. I mean law semi-exam.
   
2. My head becomes dizzy with all the information from that law book I'm reading right now. Maybe I should read something else, though... To change author or language, you know what I mean.
   
3. I am lazy.

Aha! These problems can be solved. 1. Get some sleep. 2. Read something else. 3. ----
What should we do about laziness then? Where does it come from anyway?

1. Thoughts like "It is a simple work, I can do this in a day or two" (like with my literature project) or "I have a lot of time and I will do this later" (like with my astronomy work) or "That is tough and I do not like it, but I have to do it... not now, because I feel sleepy and all I can do is chat and spent some time at my computer, aha..." (like with everything) or "It won't give me satisfaction" (oh, what will?)
2. Being online all the time. Like icq or Google talk or enough thoughts for a new post or some new comments. And you see some ads or something new in theaters and you go look what it is about and then you see the actor and you try to remember the film he was an actor in that you have seen and then you look up what this film's name was and then you read something about sci-fi and then... Ok, that's enough, right?
3. Panic and stress. Really. You get tired out of nowhere and you just can not do anything else but read something good or eat something sweet to get better but this does not happen or you then forget about worries like exams and relax and see some film or play games (that's what happens frequently with me).

Ok. These are more difficult points. But still, have some solutions. 1. That does not make any sense. You know, there is an idea of dying the next day, so you have no time to waste (but what point in making a project if you will die?). And there is much older conception like "Better do it now" or "Now or never". Tomorrow will come and it will be too late, I swear (that may cause the 3 reason, though). So, my literature project can be simple (though, it is not, really) but it requires a lot of time to get all information look right. And actually, there is no time. I mean, time can not be enlarged or changed but we can use it wisely.
2. Just turn them off. Quit programs, be offline for a while it won't hurt you.
3. This does not help much to achieve your goals.

But, even knowing all that does not make me feel motivated enough to get down to work.
I know some people have motivation and don't need any help with that. I envy them. But I can't understand why I do not have something which will make me work everyday and never want to stop and move on and on. May be I really do not want to study at University? Well, I want. That is not a question, really.
Here are some motivational tricks that were suggested by everybody:

1. Make a picture of something you want to achieve and put it on your desktop or working place. I have a calendar with the building of University on it.
   
2. Think of every benefit that you will have after you pass your exams. Like student's life, getting a real student document. Imagine how you will tell everybody that you have passed exams to where you wanted. Think positive about future.
3. Set some other goals that can be achieved only after you get to the University. Like getting a good and interesting work and buying a new car or something you have been dreaming for a long time. Or think of something you will do only if you pass exams. Like studying Japanese, going abroad with a grant or buying a new computer.
   
4. Well if the second point did not help you can think in the pessimistic way. Like you do not get to the University and you can not get a good job and nobody wants to be with you and then you give up your work because of drinking and then you starve to death or commit suicide. Wow, a sad story, isn't it? But try to think positive.

I suppose motivation is all-brain thing. You should think about it. You should find something motivational. You should make a list of things that you can not do now, but you will be able to do after all the exams will be over. When you will not be stressed up with all these problems, when you will relax and laugh at all this knowing that you are a student of one of the best Universities of your city or country. It is like you are worth it. You are successful. You are hardworking and thoughtful. And you know that you have ambitions and you have strength. And you know that you can do anything. And the whole world awaits for you to make a first step to the future.

First Post

Well, as always - this is my first post in this journal. Ok, here are reasons for why I have created this blog:
1. I have lots of thoughts;
2. I have 4 other blogs but this one is kinda one-themed;
3. I am stressed, have frequent depressions, think about purpose in life and look for the goal to reach;
4. I am a teenager, I am not very sociable and my exams are coming.

For those, who will be with me for these few months - I appreciate it very much and I hope that my blog will be helpful for one person at least.
Thank you.

Yours,
Stressed university entrant.