Day 24

Ok. This is the last day, actually.
Damn. I mean... damn. The previous exam for this university I wrote with one girl from courses. She sat just behind me. Today she told me she did not want to speak with me because I did not help her at the exam. She asked me about 30 times and I did not answer. Damn. I did not hear her. This is the person I would have helped if she asked me. Cause I like her. I mean, she's not my type, really, but she is not like "let's get drunk after exams!". And I've known her for 11 months now.
That hurts, but it hurts mentally. I know I would have helped her if only I heard she was asking for my help. But she does not. Damn. It is a misunderstanding, but what should I do?
When she told me about that I apologized. I said I did not hear, but she was like "Ah, yes, of course". Well, she did not want to speak with me, so I did not bother her. And eventually, our seats were on two different sides of the room. The exam was in sports gym so I'm not even sure if I can call it 'the room'. It is like she got about 70 points and I got 86,2.
Anyway, it is sad. Damn. I am growing up with tears in my eyes (Just kidding. Though, this is not a joke).
I am free now. Totally free. I'll rest for a while. And then, maybe tomorrow, I'll begin the Big Room Cleaning. Firstly, because I do it every year and, secondly, because I have not done it for quite a long time now. It's shameful. Hm, and thirdly, because I finished my school and I do not need all this stuff now.
So. This is the real end here.
I got the habit of writing in the blog every day =)

...

Tadaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I failed.
I mean, I got 50 points for history. Well, I really did not know what the Buligin's Parlament was.
My head hurts 'cause I cried for about an hour. More than an hour now.
Mom called. She stopped saying something like "as expected". She also said that she'll call again. Good. That's great, really. Now I can make a mistake. Hope, I won't.

The Impossible

What is "impossible"? It is a word. And nothing else. It can be impossible for you to walk if you do not have legs. It can be impossible for you to fly if you do not have wings.
But impossible is nothing when it comes for you, trying to pass exams. You do have a head and there is brain in it. So it is possible for you to learn the required information even if you have lots of material and little time.
It is possible. I have done it already. Many times before. I have learnt history in two days and got "good" at school a month ago. I just have to revise it and it will improve and I'll get "excellent" now. The day after tomorrow. I will get it. Because "impossible" is just a word.

Day 18&19

And again I skipped one day in this blog. Well, that is because... I don't know why.
Yesterday I tried to prepare for today's exam - I read some topics and essays from school notebooks. Today was English exam in the University. I hope, really-really hope that I will get a lot of points for it. *prays for the Holy Brain* Oh, please!
Yesterday I watched about half series FMP TSR because I came across with some spoilers that Chidore died there. That was not true, though. I mean, Sagara was told so, but that was not true. But I had to watch the second part of this series to know that. Haha, I am an otaku.
I have some problems with articles as you could have noticed (I have lots of problems with English, but that is the main one, I suppose).
Today I did not make it to the Academy for my first exam there. Actually, I did not want to go there. I just considered the University being my priority. Huh. I hope I made the right decision. After I got home I played Age of Empires II till my neck hurt. And then I ate a nice dinner with parents.
I have a history exam in the University on 22, and I should know the subject so damn good to get the highest points. On 23 there is Social Sciences (I don't know whether I'll go - it is for the High School of Economics). And on 24 there is big English test in MSLU for which I have to prepare, too. And to prepare damn good as well.
Ah, I will tell you about some experience that I gained today. I have left my bag in my dad's car and so I had with me only documents, a chocolate bar, pens and a bottle of water. So, I had no mobile phone. I finished my exam earlier and had to wait for my papa at the bus stop watching all the cars passing by me. That was funny to watch how every bus stopped for me, waited for a while to realise I won't get on it and left. I had to wait about half an hour or maybe a little more than twenty minutes. Having nothing with me and with an exhausted brain filling my head I ate the whole bar of chocolate. It was quite rare type - black chocolate with almond, squared. I suppose, you now know what german firm manufactured this chocolate (I like to say chocolatle for some reason). That's it. Always take with you something to eat and something to call.
By the way, I noticed that with every next exam I sleep better than the exam before. Though, it is hot now at nights and I can't help waking up because of the heat. Maybe I should get another blanket, not so winter-thick. Hm. I'll think about it. Last night there was lightning and thunder hitting really hard over the sky. It rained, of course. And guess what? I woke up only once at night and then fell asleep again. I sleep better. Nerves become stronger, I guess. Before the first exam I could not sleep well. And now it is ok for me. But I still do not like waking up so early. Neither do I like to get up late.
Two days to re-learn history beginning from tomorrow. I am going to enter, really enter this old University with broken seats in auditoriums and professors who can't answer your questions without laughing at you. Or maybe I'll reconsider that and get somewhere else. I'll see later.

Day 7

My bad, it's too late now.
I've been watching Lucky Star and missed the time.
Exam today - composition. Well, you never know what will come in the work, so you have to learn everything, right? I did not re-read this novel x_x I suppose it was ok, though. I hope so.
So, I'm going to sleep now.
I wanna have fun X)

Day -3

As I have applied to 4 Universities this week, I will have 11 exams the next month. All of them are extremely important.
So, today I made a calendar of all events that are coming in July. Now I hope I will not forget any of these necessary dates.
Also, I cleaned my room a bit, removed some things that I will not use the next month, school books and notebooks, papers. Then I looked through the books for my first exam - literature composition. I know that people have been preparing for this for a year now with teachers and tutors. I'm going to do this on my own in 7 days and go to the conference on genetics in process. Yosh!!!
I am on uncertain and hesitating stage for the first exam.

Download Day 2008

Actually, it ended some hours ago.
*yawns* I have a new Firefox now. It crashed once yet.
So, I am making my literature project like a devil. Exam is on Friday and I still do not have a presentation.
I passed my Maths exam, I got a "Good" for it. And my English was "Excellent". Cool.
I have slept for 5 hour + 38 minutes today. You know, I do not like the habit of doing everything in a day or two before the exam. I suppose, I should work on project right now, too. But... I set a record in tetris *_*V Want to go and sleep now.
By the way, when I sleep 5 hours a day it is normal (only once because the next day if I sleep for 5 hours again that's no good). And when I sleep for 6 or 4 hours then the next day I would feel really bad. Then, if I sleep 3 hours it is ok again. Though, it is much better when I sleep 10-8 hours. Nah.
It is superb when I know how my body works, but experimenting with sleep is not good for people under 18, remember it. When I'll go on holidays (I hope I will survive) I'll think of trying polyphasic sleep because I have so much to do.

My little...

My birthday passed and I had to prepare for History exam. Man, I was too lazy to prepare for it properly - I enjoyed two days after Maths exam doing nothing. And I saw a film on Sunday. Hm I realized that I really did not put effort in this. I should have learned WWII better. No, wait! I did.
In two days I got prepared for the History exam and I got "Good". Not "Excellent" but "Good". And that's crazy. I am very proud of myself.
That makes these results go into my little wins. But also into my little failures list (I have no real lists like that, though. So, that was literally). Hehe, useful experience.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. (с) Henry Ford.

I did not succeed in my Law competition. I do not know why - just did not get enough points.
I wrote my Mathematics exam yesterday, it was ok, though not so easy and I hope for the good mark. Well, life goes on, we should move forward. But I feel like I am tired before doing something. I want to lye down and have a rest.
And where is warmth? My hands are cold.

The next exam is history and I have to admit that I do not know a thing in history but I was very proud and did not put my name down for some other - easy exam. "If everyone... swallowed their pride..." Ahem. But I think that it will be ok. Actually I can't do anything now but learn history. And some words are coming to my mind: "If it is worth doing, it's worth doing well".

How to Prepare for Exams

Here are a few links that I find useful on the subject.

Here is very good advice. Much of it, really. It is like overall plan with a few details.
This page is about the experience of high-scorers of some tests. The article has a few good ideas.
On the site of state university in New York there is info on stress, anxiety and emotions and how to change/overcome them.
On How-to-Do site kinda personal thoughts about college tests.

Motivation

Motivation is a big word. One of those you can see in those self-improvement articles or books.
And motivation is a real thing. It is not that we can touch, though. However, preparing for the exams by yourself is a hard thing and you will never succeed until you have a great motivation for achieving this goal.
So, I guess we have to do something to improve our motivation and reduce laziness.
Well, for example, now I have to work hard to finish my literature project (which is really made for about 5%), prepare for law semi-exam, do the rest of history and social science questions. Ah, I forgot about my work on astronomy. Hell, but I am writing this post. Why?
There are a few reasons for this:

1. I am kind of tired as I went to the University today to apply for this semi-law exam. I mean law semi-exam.
   
2. My head becomes dizzy with all the information from that law book I'm reading right now. Maybe I should read something else, though... To change author or language, you know what I mean.
   
3. I am lazy.

Aha! These problems can be solved. 1. Get some sleep. 2. Read something else. 3. ----
What should we do about laziness then? Where does it come from anyway?

1. Thoughts like "It is a simple work, I can do this in a day or two" (like with my literature project) or "I have a lot of time and I will do this later" (like with my astronomy work) or "That is tough and I do not like it, but I have to do it... not now, because I feel sleepy and all I can do is chat and spent some time at my computer, aha..." (like with everything) or "It won't give me satisfaction" (oh, what will?)
2. Being online all the time. Like icq or Google talk or enough thoughts for a new post or some new comments. And you see some ads or something new in theaters and you go look what it is about and then you see the actor and you try to remember the film he was an actor in that you have seen and then you look up what this film's name was and then you read something about sci-fi and then... Ok, that's enough, right?
3. Panic and stress. Really. You get tired out of nowhere and you just can not do anything else but read something good or eat something sweet to get better but this does not happen or you then forget about worries like exams and relax and see some film or play games (that's what happens frequently with me).

Ok. These are more difficult points. But still, have some solutions. 1. That does not make any sense. You know, there is an idea of dying the next day, so you have no time to waste (but what point in making a project if you will die?). And there is much older conception like "Better do it now" or "Now or never". Tomorrow will come and it will be too late, I swear (that may cause the 3 reason, though). So, my literature project can be simple (though, it is not, really) but it requires a lot of time to get all information look right. And actually, there is no time. I mean, time can not be enlarged or changed but we can use it wisely.
2. Just turn them off. Quit programs, be offline for a while it won't hurt you.
3. This does not help much to achieve your goals.

But, even knowing all that does not make me feel motivated enough to get down to work.
I know some people have motivation and don't need any help with that. I envy them. But I can't understand why I do not have something which will make me work everyday and never want to stop and move on and on. May be I really do not want to study at University? Well, I want. That is not a question, really.
Here are some motivational tricks that were suggested by everybody:

1. Make a picture of something you want to achieve and put it on your desktop or working place. I have a calendar with the building of University on it.
   
2. Think of every benefit that you will have after you pass your exams. Like student's life, getting a real student document. Imagine how you will tell everybody that you have passed exams to where you wanted. Think positive about future.
3. Set some other goals that can be achieved only after you get to the University. Like getting a good and interesting work and buying a new car or something you have been dreaming for a long time. Or think of something you will do only if you pass exams. Like studying Japanese, going abroad with a grant or buying a new computer.
   
4. Well if the second point did not help you can think in the pessimistic way. Like you do not get to the University and you can not get a good job and nobody wants to be with you and then you give up your work because of drinking and then you starve to death or commit suicide. Wow, a sad story, isn't it? But try to think positive.

I suppose motivation is all-brain thing. You should think about it. You should find something motivational. You should make a list of things that you can not do now, but you will be able to do after all the exams will be over. When you will not be stressed up with all these problems, when you will relax and laugh at all this knowing that you are a student of one of the best Universities of your city or country. It is like you are worth it. You are successful. You are hardworking and thoughtful. And you know that you have ambitions and you have strength. And you know that you can do anything. And the whole world awaits for you to make a first step to the future.

Giving up something precious

At the end of February I made a decision to give up watching Japanese animation or anime.
I'd been watching it for 2 years and I should say that it was a huge part of my life. Anime made my character with movies and books and life, of course. Anime gave me many thoughts and emotions, ideas and feelings. But nonetheless anime took a lot of time. So I decided to reduce the time that goes for non-preparing for exams. And I gave up watching anime. Completely.
It is hell. I never smoke so I never gave up anything. I have just been doing what I wanted all my life.
Now I frequently think that this time that I had been spending on watching anime is now going nowhere (or for thoughts like "I want to watch anime" or "What seasons are coming out this week?"). Well, my other part tells me that it's not true and that I'm spending more time for my studies. I do not know for sure...
For few first weeks I changed anime to Scrubs. And I saw 24 episodes so far. This makes one season. I suppose I watched about 3 anime seasons in a month (on average) these past years.
I feel desperate. I'm in low spirits. I want to watch anime. Badly. Damn exams.
But I know it is all for greater good.
So I just must not think about it.

First Post

Well, as always - this is my first post in this journal. Ok, here are reasons for why I have created this blog:
1. I have lots of thoughts;
2. I have 4 other blogs but this one is kinda one-themed;
3. I am stressed, have frequent depressions, think about purpose in life and look for the goal to reach;
4. I am a teenager, I am not very sociable and my exams are coming.

For those, who will be with me for these few months - I appreciate it very much and I hope that my blog will be helpful for one person at least.
Thank you.

Yours,
Stressed university entrant.