...

Tadaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I failed.
I mean, I got 50 points for history. Well, I really did not know what the Buligin's Parlament was.
My head hurts 'cause I cried for about an hour. More than an hour now.
Mom called. She stopped saying something like "as expected". She also said that she'll call again. Good. That's great, really. Now I can make a mistake. Hope, I won't.

Day 18&19

And again I skipped one day in this blog. Well, that is because... I don't know why.
Yesterday I tried to prepare for today's exam - I read some topics and essays from school notebooks. Today was English exam in the University. I hope, really-really hope that I will get a lot of points for it. *prays for the Holy Brain* Oh, please!
Yesterday I watched about half series FMP TSR because I came across with some spoilers that Chidore died there. That was not true, though. I mean, Sagara was told so, but that was not true. But I had to watch the second part of this series to know that. Haha, I am an otaku.
I have some problems with articles as you could have noticed (I have lots of problems with English, but that is the main one, I suppose).
Today I did not make it to the Academy for my first exam there. Actually, I did not want to go there. I just considered the University being my priority. Huh. I hope I made the right decision. After I got home I played Age of Empires II till my neck hurt. And then I ate a nice dinner with parents.
I have a history exam in the University on 22, and I should know the subject so damn good to get the highest points. On 23 there is Social Sciences (I don't know whether I'll go - it is for the High School of Economics). And on 24 there is big English test in MSLU for which I have to prepare, too. And to prepare damn good as well.
Ah, I will tell you about some experience that I gained today. I have left my bag in my dad's car and so I had with me only documents, a chocolate bar, pens and a bottle of water. So, I had no mobile phone. I finished my exam earlier and had to wait for my papa at the bus stop watching all the cars passing by me. That was funny to watch how every bus stopped for me, waited for a while to realise I won't get on it and left. I had to wait about half an hour or maybe a little more than twenty minutes. Having nothing with me and with an exhausted brain filling my head I ate the whole bar of chocolate. It was quite rare type - black chocolate with almond, squared. I suppose, you now know what german firm manufactured this chocolate (I like to say chocolatle for some reason). That's it. Always take with you something to eat and something to call.
By the way, I noticed that with every next exam I sleep better than the exam before. Though, it is hot now at nights and I can't help waking up because of the heat. Maybe I should get another blanket, not so winter-thick. Hm. I'll think about it. Last night there was lightning and thunder hitting really hard over the sky. It rained, of course. And guess what? I woke up only once at night and then fell asleep again. I sleep better. Nerves become stronger, I guess. Before the first exam I could not sleep well. And now it is ok for me. But I still do not like waking up so early. Neither do I like to get up late.
Two days to re-learn history beginning from tomorrow. I am going to enter, really enter this old University with broken seats in auditoriums and professors who can't answer your questions without laughing at you. Or maybe I'll reconsider that and get somewhere else. I'll see later.

Day -1

Mua-ha-ha. Believe it or not, I've seen 17 episodes of Code Geass today. Yup, yup ^__^ I have no willpower at all. My friend gave me some materials on literature and mom told me that I'm definitely going to write the composition and get a good mark for it. Everybody wants me to do it, right? But...
Well, I watched anime the whole day.
Also I read a book called "How to write a composition";
ate cheese, a lot of it;
drank hot tea (which is not common for me);
read 1,5 compositions;
wrote a plan on one theme;
got up early and slept for an hour in process of "work";
went out and ate an ice-cream.

Hm. What should I do now? Maybe I should try to work at night?
"No willpower" stage completed today.

Day -3

As I have applied to 4 Universities this week, I will have 11 exams the next month. All of them are extremely important.
So, today I made a calendar of all events that are coming in July. Now I hope I will not forget any of these necessary dates.
Also, I cleaned my room a bit, removed some things that I will not use the next month, school books and notebooks, papers. Then I looked through the books for my first exam - literature composition. I know that people have been preparing for this for a year now with teachers and tutors. I'm going to do this on my own in 7 days and go to the conference on genetics in process. Yosh!!!
I am on uncertain and hesitating stage for the first exam.

Why?

I do not have a goal in my life. I am preparing to enter one of the best universities of the city and I don't know why. I can't see the goal behind these studies so I am loosing sight of what I want to do. In fact, I have never seen the clear goal in front of me. And I know I need to work to live up the expectations of my parents but what are my expectations? Why am I playing games in the evening thinking that I should do something nice because I get tired of doing pointless things instead of reading something useful that will help me to enter the university?
I remember that quote from Honey and Clover:

The reason why I am lost...
It's not because I don't have a map. What I lack is... a destination... (c)

And one man commented on this like: "Why don't you set up some checkpoints then?"
Well, he may be right.
I will think about it.