Last week revision

I write here with a frequency of 1-week. Sorry =) I know I should write more.
Last week I made some progress. Of course, weekend was not so effective. So I had to get up at 6 in the morning on Monday to make a literature project. I had some material and I had to organize it - in an hour I had 10 of 20 required pages. And that was a good result. Well, I never worked on the project since that time.
Then there were English studies on Tuesday and I really made some progress there because I did the whole test in 1 and a half an hour. I made 30 mistakes, though. When others made 15-20. But it still is good and I am satisfied. Now my main goal is to revise all my mistakes that I made in tests in a year (yes, I have been writing them down) and refresh my memory on these points.
Well on Wednesday I had already been tired and I was a sad and I almost cried =) Wednesday is a sad day, after all. Ah and I did well on the test. Better than ever.
Tuesday had its Russian evening studies and it was tough because we wrote an essay. I screwed everything up and we had to read it in class and then give our works to Professor so that she will point out grammar mistakes. Oh my... Ah, and I borrowed from a friend a book to read - Murakami short stories collected in a book called "To Burn a Shed". I read two first stories - Firefly and To Burn a Shed. They were strage because they have a plot but it is thrilling the other way. It has some mystery. In his stories Murakami just tells stories about people. That is why I like his works. I hope, I'll have some time to read his novels in August. I've read the trilogy about the ship a year or so ago.
On Friday English again and as I did my test super-fast, I had to do other tests and translate about 20 sentences. I made a lot of mistakes there. Huh... I think I should work harder.
Saturday freaked me out because I realized that I had missed two history classes which were on 3d and 10th of May when nobody ever worked. And as we have the very last day at school next Saturday we asked history Professor to postpone the next classes and he said that he would never do this. I hate him now. He is a snob.
And now I do not want to go to this University again. But I know I should try. And I should try really hard to get there and to laugh at those snobs. Ha-ha-haaaa!
On Sunday I did lots of Russian tests. About 100 pages on the whole (with those tests I did on Friday and on Saturday).
So this week is the last week in school and then it is all over. Nah, we still have school exams after this, but it does not matter now.
By the way, today I skipped school. Well, I should have done that. You know, there are two ways every time. You can experience going to school the last Monday and you can experience skipping the last Monday. That is funny but... Heh, I really think there are two ways.
I went to see Narnia. It was a beautiful film with good special-effects work. And it was very sad as there was a dying civilization (which is always sad for me) and then they had to come back to the world where they came from and that is very very sad, too. I can imagine what they thought when they were going away from Narnia. But I didn't like that Aslan popped out so late and the film was full of pathos with those speeches and sword duels. Man, Peter became a conflict person. The whole film reminded me of J.R.R.T. in some ways.
So that is how I spent last week and today. I think it is necessary to analyze the work you have done in some period of time.
Good luck!

Me as my perfect boyfriend

Oh well

1. I do not smoke
2. I do not drink so much to have a headache in the morning
3. I do not swear like everyone does
   
4. I do not care about clothes, they just have to be not so dirty and smelly (wooph)
5. I hate waking up in the morning and going to bed early
6. I like watching films and freaky videos and I like anime
   
7. I use Linux and Firefox
8. I like listening to music of different styles, I listen to happy hardcore and I like it.
9. I love playing computer games
10. I can cook simply dishes
11. I like ice cream and sweets and chips and this kind of stuff
12. I am pretty ambitious
13. I am not the type to pick a friend for a night, I prefer long-lasting relationship
    
14. It is hard for me to get intimate with the person and share something with him/her
15. I am cautious and I am a freak of washing hands because I know what happens if you don't do that
16. I like riding my bike like a noob and running
17. I am a plan-machine, and I want somebody to be with me to get out of the boredom
    
18. I want to try everything and I want to be laughed at by someone who tries it for the first time too
19. I want to take someone's hand if there is a chance and I like telling stories and remembering things
    
20. I do not like pets. People are much more interesting. Rats are funny, though
21. I like to take photos and nobody lets me =(
22. Well, I am cute ^__^
    

Oh... Man, I am just my perfect boyfriend.
Hm-m. I don't think I am my perfect girlfriend, really. That's the point here, isn't it?
And why am I writing this? Because it is spring and everybody is kissing in front of me?
And I have got nothing to do but look into the skies, listen to happy hardcore in my headphones and smile - smile because I know that everyone can be happy and because everyone is happy. Pa-pa-ra-rara-pa-pa-ra-rara-pa-pa-ra-hohoo-pa-pa-ra-hohoo-living without your love-cant stop thinking about you... cant stop dreaming about you... hell is living without your love...life will never be the same... my heart recalls you name... (c)
Well, some disturbing facts about me and my life. Ehem...

Giving up something precious

At the end of February I made a decision to give up watching Japanese animation or anime.
I'd been watching it for 2 years and I should say that it was a huge part of my life. Anime made my character with movies and books and life, of course. Anime gave me many thoughts and emotions, ideas and feelings. But nonetheless anime took a lot of time. So I decided to reduce the time that goes for non-preparing for exams. And I gave up watching anime. Completely.
It is hell. I never smoke so I never gave up anything. I have just been doing what I wanted all my life.
Now I frequently think that this time that I had been spending on watching anime is now going nowhere (or for thoughts like "I want to watch anime" or "What seasons are coming out this week?"). Well, my other part tells me that it's not true and that I'm spending more time for my studies. I do not know for sure...
For few first weeks I changed anime to Scrubs. And I saw 24 episodes so far. This makes one season. I suppose I watched about 3 anime seasons in a month (on average) these past years.
I feel desperate. I'm in low spirits. I want to watch anime. Badly. Damn exams.
But I know it is all for greater good.
So I just must not think about it.

Constitution, Essays and Madness

Days are passing by and I am not writing here. I'm sorry, really. When I think "oh, I know what I'm going to write here" I come home and feel so tired that I can not do anything or I'm too lazy for that.
So since last post I've read a constitution and improved my Russian tests a little - I made 39/40 and that is great, because before I made 38/40. Yeah, I should work harder on my essays.
Essays are very tricky. Sometimes you know what to write, sometimes you don't know what to write and the other time you have too much thoughts so you mess up your essay. And I do not like the part where you have to point the problem raised in a text and write about author's opinion.
Today I had a depression after school. I have a friend, who has made a huge progress lately and all the teachers keep telling her how great she is and that many tried but did not succeed and I am with her almost all the time and I hate listening to the teachers because this is me who is a failure here. And I do not want to be envious as it will lead to the hatred for my friend or for myself and I know what choice I will make in this situation. And I do not want to go back to this time from where I have come not so long before. I mean the Great Depression of the Youth. Argh.
I am going mad. I know that this is quite a personal information, but I suppose I will only frighten those who are around me if I tell them about this. I had hallucinations and I have some problems with breathing (not so usually, but still...). Oh, and I'm talking to myself and sometimes I find myself laughing at my other self jokes. What do you call this? Split personality?
Oh, yes, I have frequent sharp headache. But it does not last long.
And today I colored my nails with different green colors only on one hand (left). I don't know why. I just felt very sad. So all the way to my evening studies I kept hiding my hand. I was embarrassed.
And then I drank (or ate) a cup of coffee with ice-cream in it. It was good but still I do no like hot beverages and bitterness of coffee. However I liked it. It was fun.

First Post

Well, as always - this is my first post in this journal. Ok, here are reasons for why I have created this blog:
1. I have lots of thoughts;
2. I have 4 other blogs but this one is kinda one-themed;
3. I am stressed, have frequent depressions, think about purpose in life and look for the goal to reach;
4. I am a teenager, I am not very sociable and my exams are coming.

For those, who will be with me for these few months - I appreciate it very much and I hope that my blog will be helpful for one person at least.
Thank you.

Yours,
Stressed university entrant.