Ok. This is the last day, actually.
Damn. I mean... damn. The previous exam for this university I wrote with one girl from courses. She sat just behind me. Today she told me she did not want to speak with me because I did not help her at the exam. She asked me about 30 times and I did not answer. Damn. I did not hear her. This is the person I would have helped if she asked me. Cause I like her. I mean, she's not my type, really, but she is not like "let's get drunk after exams!". And I've known her for 11 months now.
That hurts, but it hurts mentally. I know I would have helped her if only I heard she was asking for my help. But she does not. Damn. It is a misunderstanding, but what should I do?
When she told me about that I apologized. I said I did not hear, but she was like "Ah, yes, of course". Well, she did not want to speak with me, so I did not bother her. And eventually, our seats were on two different sides of the room. The exam was in sports gym so I'm not even sure if I can call it 'the room'. It is like she got about 70 points and I got 86,2.
Anyway, it is sad. Damn. I am growing up with tears in my eyes (Just kidding. Though, this is not a joke).
I am free now. Totally free. I'll rest for a while. And then, maybe tomorrow, I'll begin the Big Room Cleaning. Firstly, because I do it every year and, secondly, because I have not done it for quite a long time now. It's shameful. Hm, and thirdly, because I finished my school and I do not need all this stuff now.
So. This is the real end here.
I got the habit of writing in the blog every day =)
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
My Guraipu Mentos
I am watching Scrubs and eating grape mentos (or "Gu-ra-i-pu" mentos because it is from Japan, I don't know why, though).
And you know what was on my mind all this time? Here:
What is the worst thing ever? It is thinking: "I know I could..."
So, there was the 4th May a week before. I had been studying for three days then and I wrote this Law work in the University. Well, I know that I wrote wrong answers for some questions and I didn't have enough time for a few last tasks. But that was a good experience for me to take the first serious thing and to prepare for it. I thought I would be preparing for this for 2 months (March-April) but to be honest I really worked for only 3-4 hours a day for 4 days. That is definitely not good, but it somehow worked. And then the problem popped up. I have been working hard to get prepared for this Law competition and after all this was over I did not know what to do next. I mean I knew that I had a lot of things to be done but I could not begin. Somebody told me to wait and rest for a few days. And looking back I realize I did not do anything since this time.
Ah, well, I saw an Iron Man film. It was good. I liked it the most of all Marvell movies so far because Iron Man is a man and not circumstances but he himself made everything with his hands and brains. And this is kind of inspiring.
And now I think of finding a man in real life who was kind of no-one and became a successful person. Do you know any? By the way, I feel sad because there are no comments on my posts. Tell me I am not alone =)
And you know what was on my mind all this time? Here:
What is the worst thing ever? It is thinking: "I know I could..."
So, there was the 4th May a week before. I had been studying for three days then and I wrote this Law work in the University. Well, I know that I wrote wrong answers for some questions and I didn't have enough time for a few last tasks. But that was a good experience for me to take the first serious thing and to prepare for it. I thought I would be preparing for this for 2 months (March-April) but to be honest I really worked for only 3-4 hours a day for 4 days. That is definitely not good, but it somehow worked. And then the problem popped up. I have been working hard to get prepared for this Law competition and after all this was over I did not know what to do next. I mean I knew that I had a lot of things to be done but I could not begin. Somebody told me to wait and rest for a few days. And looking back I realize I did not do anything since this time.
Ah, well, I saw an Iron Man film. It was good. I liked it the most of all Marvell movies so far because Iron Man is a man and not circumstances but he himself made everything with his hands and brains. And this is kind of inspiring.
And now I think of finding a man in real life who was kind of no-one and became a successful person. Do you know any? By the way, I feel sad because there are no comments on my posts. Tell me I am not alone =)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Constitution, Essays and Madness
Days are passing by and I am not writing here. I'm sorry, really. When I think "oh, I know what I'm going to write here" I come home and feel so tired that I can not do anything or I'm too lazy for that.
So since last post I've read a constitution and improved my Russian tests a little - I made 39/40 and that is great, because before I made 38/40. Yeah, I should work harder on my essays.
Essays are very tricky. Sometimes you know what to write, sometimes you don't know what to write and the other time you have too much thoughts so you mess up your essay. And I do not like the part where you have to point the problem raised in a text and write about author's opinion.
Today I had a depression after school. I have a friend, who has made a huge progress lately and all the teachers keep telling her how great she is and that many tried but did not succeed and I am with her almost all the time and I hate listening to the teachers because this is me who is a failure here. And I do not want to be envious as it will lead to the hatred for my friend or for myself and I know what choice I will make in this situation. And I do not want to go back to this time from where I have come not so long before. I mean the Great Depression of the Youth. Argh.
I am going mad. I know that this is quite a personal information, but I suppose I will only frighten those who are around me if I tell them about this. I had hallucinations and I have some problems with breathing (not so usually, but still...). Oh, and I'm talking to myself and sometimes I find myself laughing at my other self jokes. What do you call this? Split personality?
Oh, yes, I have frequent sharp headache. But it does not last long.
And today I colored my nails with different green colors only on one hand (left). I don't know why. I just felt very sad. So all the way to my evening studies I kept hiding my hand. I was embarrassed.
And then I drank (or ate) a cup of coffee with ice-cream in it. It was good but still I do no like hot beverages and bitterness of coffee. However I liked it. It was fun.
So since last post I've read a constitution and improved my Russian tests a little - I made 39/40 and that is great, because before I made 38/40. Yeah, I should work harder on my essays.
Essays are very tricky. Sometimes you know what to write, sometimes you don't know what to write and the other time you have too much thoughts so you mess up your essay. And I do not like the part where you have to point the problem raised in a text and write about author's opinion.
Today I had a depression after school. I have a friend, who has made a huge progress lately and all the teachers keep telling her how great she is and that many tried but did not succeed and I am with her almost all the time and I hate listening to the teachers because this is me who is a failure here. And I do not want to be envious as it will lead to the hatred for my friend or for myself and I know what choice I will make in this situation. And I do not want to go back to this time from where I have come not so long before. I mean the Great Depression of the Youth. Argh.
I am going mad. I know that this is quite a personal information, but I suppose I will only frighten those who are around me if I tell them about this. I had hallucinations and I have some problems with breathing (not so usually, but still...). Oh, and I'm talking to myself and sometimes I find myself laughing at my other self jokes. What do you call this? Split personality?
Oh, yes, I have frequent sharp headache. But it does not last long.
And today I colored my nails with different green colors only on one hand (left). I don't know why. I just felt very sad. So all the way to my evening studies I kept hiding my hand. I was embarrassed.
And then I drank (or ate) a cup of coffee with ice-cream in it. It was good but still I do no like hot beverages and bitterness of coffee. However I liked it. It was fun.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Sadness
Today has been a sad day so far.
This Tuesday when I was going home with my friend, he said hello to one guy who was sitting next to me in the train in the underground. He looked smart, his hair was bright red, that I would have called "orange". He had lots of acnes all over his face, but he looked nice and everything... My friend told me he was a high-schooler, 11th form just like me.
He is in the reanimation right now and who knows if he will survive. THAT was sad. It is like you see the person who is sitting near you smiling to you and the next moment you don't know if he will live. Damn the basketball. Damn the accidents. Damn.
This Tuesday when I was going home with my friend, he said hello to one guy who was sitting next to me in the train in the underground. He looked smart, his hair was bright red, that I would have called "orange". He had lots of acnes all over his face, but he looked nice and everything... My friend told me he was a high-schooler, 11th form just like me.
He is in the reanimation right now and who knows if he will survive. THAT was sad. It is like you see the person who is sitting near you smiling to you and the next moment you don't know if he will live. Damn the basketball. Damn the accidents. Damn.
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