Constitution, Essays and Madness

Days are passing by and I am not writing here. I'm sorry, really. When I think "oh, I know what I'm going to write here" I come home and feel so tired that I can not do anything or I'm too lazy for that.
So since last post I've read a constitution and improved my Russian tests a little - I made 39/40 and that is great, because before I made 38/40. Yeah, I should work harder on my essays.
Essays are very tricky. Sometimes you know what to write, sometimes you don't know what to write and the other time you have too much thoughts so you mess up your essay. And I do not like the part where you have to point the problem raised in a text and write about author's opinion.
Today I had a depression after school. I have a friend, who has made a huge progress lately and all the teachers keep telling her how great she is and that many tried but did not succeed and I am with her almost all the time and I hate listening to the teachers because this is me who is a failure here. And I do not want to be envious as it will lead to the hatred for my friend or for myself and I know what choice I will make in this situation. And I do not want to go back to this time from where I have come not so long before. I mean the Great Depression of the Youth. Argh.
I am going mad. I know that this is quite a personal information, but I suppose I will only frighten those who are around me if I tell them about this. I had hallucinations and I have some problems with breathing (not so usually, but still...). Oh, and I'm talking to myself and sometimes I find myself laughing at my other self jokes. What do you call this? Split personality?
Oh, yes, I have frequent sharp headache. But it does not last long.
And today I colored my nails with different green colors only on one hand (left). I don't know why. I just felt very sad. So all the way to my evening studies I kept hiding my hand. I was embarrassed.
And then I drank (or ate) a cup of coffee with ice-cream in it. It was good but still I do no like hot beverages and bitterness of coffee. However I liked it. It was fun.