Why?

I do not have a goal in my life. I am preparing to enter one of the best universities of the city and I don't know why. I can't see the goal behind these studies so I am loosing sight of what I want to do. In fact, I have never seen the clear goal in front of me. And I know I need to work to live up the expectations of my parents but what are my expectations? Why am I playing games in the evening thinking that I should do something nice because I get tired of doing pointless things instead of reading something useful that will help me to enter the university?
I remember that quote from Honey and Clover:

The reason why I am lost...
It's not because I don't have a map. What I lack is... a destination... (c)

And one man commented on this like: "Why don't you set up some checkpoints then?"
Well, he may be right.
I will think about it.

People in my life

There are a few types of people in my life:

1. My relatives. As I am a silent person and do not like to talk much, I'm afraid, I can not talk to my relatives properly.
   
2. People, whom I get to know and fall in love with. It does not matter whether it is a boy or a girl. So that I feel very nervous around them and can not talk to them and they are going to the next type:
3. People, whom I get to know, but talk little to them and they are moving on to be with someone else. There is a variation - people, who do not suspect me to want to be with them, because they are going to the previous type.
   
4. People, who does not really care about me, caring about themselves or someone else, who are definitely dearer to them than I am, so that we are on good terms. They are acquaintances.
   
5. Other people, whom I see every day but do not say more than 5-15 words ever.

Well, I am trying to be more sociable but that's so hard. I mean... I am in depression right now.

Stress

I have got something to tell you again. Now it is about stress.
There are so many things to do and so little time, right? Trying to manage all things you have to do monthly, weekly and daily you also have to keep up with everything that pops up in process. Plus a lot of information due to studies and tiredness. Moreover there is a permanent fear of final exams and entrance University exams. And here it is - a Great Stress. It is not so great, though.
What helps me to cope with stress:

1. Breathing. Two-three deep breaths help to come to usual state and calm down.
2. Music. Some classical music/vocal/hardcore/or whatever you like makes you feel better. I suppose music that you listen to shouldn't be aggressive or irritating.
3. Exercises. Even a little exercises will reduce the tiredness and aggressiveness. What is difficult about this point is that you should overcome yourself to begin doing exercises. Thinking that exercises really help makes me do them.
   
4. Chocolate and banana. They are said to produce some happiness hormones in the body. Well, I suppose something sweet and fresh always brings happiness.
   
5. Sleep. Ok, I think that sleep is the most important thing in our life (as well as food is).
6. Sitting in the dark room on the floor thinking about my life and calming myself down after a hard/bad day. Somebody calls that a depression but personally I think of it as a way of relaxation.
   

Any suggestions? I will appreciate your ideas! Comment, please.

How to be ill

Or better say - how not to be ill. Especially in March, when you do not know whether it is spring already or still a winter.
Illness is no good when you should be healthy and ready for your heroic deeds. So, here are advices that, I hope, will help you to prevent such a disaster.

1. A stitch in time saves nine. Believe me. Put your hat and scarf on to make a head, neck and chest warm. Do not let your ears to be cold (that also goes to any other part of your body). But if you feel anything that lets you think you are going to be with a temperature in bed in a day or two - be sure to take care of yourself.
   
2. So, you have a sore throat? There is a simple and working method. Drink something hot - tea, milk, chocolate... -> then take a glass of warm water with salt or baking soda or them together and gargle your throat -> do not drink for 8-15 minutes after gargling. And of course, keep yourself warm.
3. You feel ill. Do not panic =) Take aspirin (I take it frequently just to be sure everything is ok, aspirin makes me feel better when first symptoms of flu or cold show up). It is better to take aspirin with milk. Drink more water or whatever you want, just be sure it is hot or warm. It is like illness is going away from your body with water.
   
4. Before you go to sleep drink something hot again. Warm milk with honey would be perfect. Do not forget aspirin and - yes - socks. Your legs are the first to be warm.
   
5. Sleep more. It helps.
6. If you know you shouldn't go anywhere - stay in bed for a day or two (if needed). We are all people, after all. And remember the first rule - better prevent than cure for a non-progressive week.
   
7. If you have a temperature better see a doctor. I have paracetamol in tablets or lemon Teraflu (with paracetamol in powder). And, hell, stay in bed! That means no sitting at the computer/watching TV/reading the whole book.
   

Being ill is not a thing you want to do, right? It is better to spend this time learning or going out with friends, no doubt.

I hope, that was helpful. Do you have any other ideas? Please, be free to comment.

Horrible Mistakes

Well, well, well. I want to sleep. This morning I have fallen asleep and awoke with my alarm about 8 times from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. I didn't really want to go to school, but at the 8th time I woke up and there was a mist outside so I decided to go and take the fog into my lungs. I like such weather as it has a high humidity and the air is cool. He-he...
I slept 5 hours and a half tonight. Just tell me why there are so many good movies to watch? I think it was a mistake to watch Jumper again. I spent my sleeping hours to see what I have already seen. That's not good. I have a history lecture for the whole 3 hours in a row with 10 minutes break today. I feel I will snore while slumbering all the time. Hoot!

My Running Home

Oh, yes, of course I'm watching Scrubs and that's where I get all these post titles. I have given up watching my favorite cartoons - Japanese animation - you know what I mean, and now I watch Scrubs like I've nothing else to do. Learn, sweety, learn!
Arghm. So, this afternoon I had English evening studies. I had never expected that he would come, but he was there. The greatest person himself, a guy who has been skipping his other studies for 6 months already, he came. And that was fun, he joked every time I was bored, so these 2 hours were like... like one hour really.
And I told him to wait for me for we go home together. It was Hell. I mean, I had to run. My legs hurt. And we went to MacDonald's but he ate like he was in such a hurry. I got an ice cream, by the way, with chocolate and caramel, just love it. And I was so nervous, I could hardly talk. So, we hardly talked...
Though, that was a wonderful experience. I felt my mind to be almost blind with excitement, where did my cynicism go? Or can it be love? Hell, no. But I admit that he is the person whom I really admire. He just amazes me. Last time I saw him on English, he was late for 1.40 hours. Great

Sadness

Today has been a sad day so far.
This Tuesday when I was going home with my friend, he said hello to one guy who was sitting next to me in the train in the underground. He looked smart, his hair was bright red, that I would have called "orange". He had lots of acnes all over his face, but he looked nice and everything... My friend told me he was a high-schooler, 11th form just like me.
He is in the reanimation right now and who knows if he will survive. THAT was sad. It is like you see the person who is sitting near you smiling to you and the next moment you don't know if he will live. Damn the basketball. Damn the accidents. Damn.

My Day

Well, today I skipped school. It is Thursday, after all. And by Thursday all my tiredness and lack of sleep shows up. So, I slept till 11 a.m.
Then I did some physical exercises just to be sure my body is still moving.
My breakfast was really heavy - I eat a lot these days, don't know why, may be that's my stress or all that strength that I put in my studies requires more food (doubtful).
While eating I watched a few episodes of Scrubs, which was great fun.
So, after all that I thought about my studies. Today I had Russian. Hell, we learn it as if we are students of some linguistic/philology university already. But all we will have to "overcome" is a test. But, well, these Russian studies are informative.
Funny thing - when I was in the underground listening to my playlist and watching people around me that have just come to my mind - I live among people and I love it. This woman with red tights, a man with a book in a pink cover, a blond girl with big headphones on, a guy with lovely eyes - this all makes difference between us. I mean this is great to live among different people and have a chance to meet them, some - by chance, for a second, and others - by chance, too, to spend some time with and to share some thoughts and feelings. Hell, I love it. The world is full of joy and mystery after all. And yes, I have to use "hell" less often, I suppose.
So, I ate two times this day and drank a cup of chocolate from a little packet with another sweety mushroom with condensed milk (in Russian there is a special term for this - "sguschenka" =)). I think I should reduce my daily sweets consumption x)
That is how my day usually goes - School/sleep, then doing some homework for evening studies and eve studies themselves (for 2 hours +2 hours for road) then supper and here I am - at my computer, thinking about what I should do now.
*Going to look through recent photos and maybe update dA...

First Post

Well, as always - this is my first post in this journal. Ok, here are reasons for why I have created this blog:
1. I have lots of thoughts;
2. I have 4 other blogs but this one is kinda one-themed;
3. I am stressed, have frequent depressions, think about purpose in life and look for the goal to reach;
4. I am a teenager, I am not very sociable and my exams are coming.

For those, who will be with me for these few months - I appreciate it very much and I hope that my blog will be helpful for one person at least.
Thank you.

Yours,
Stressed university entrant.